Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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