i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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