By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
sex in a hospital.. check
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize