dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
