so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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