Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
