she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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