I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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