yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
