There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
