She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I didn't notice because vodka
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
