I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
