He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
