If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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