last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
