We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
