Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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