I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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