He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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