She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He shit in the fireplace
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
