Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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