Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
wow bdsm is so cute
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