What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
