The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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