Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
