My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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