last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
