I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
BRING THE BAGELS
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
