You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
