Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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