If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Randomize
