i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My bed smells like the plague
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
