i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
