you guys were way drunker than both of me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
