I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
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