its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
