I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
