WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
