He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We had to coat check the pizza.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
