Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If I die, sorry about rent.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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