I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
