I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
