I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
