Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
