WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
