I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
