He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
