Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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