So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
