my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
