I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
