people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he laminated a picture of his dick.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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