too bad you live with your parents still
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
