Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
