Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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