we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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