one two three fourrrrnication!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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