k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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