You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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