If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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