eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
