You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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