There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
