Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize