John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize