good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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