Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Randomize
