I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
