so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
